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GARCHU! I'M DEKYA|WRITER, GEEK|FANGIRL, FLIP|WELCOME TO STRANGE WATERS|WHERE I WRITE SENSELESS THINGS

THE RANDOMNESS OF ANXIETY


This past weekend, the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obama Care) was NOT repealed. America let out a heavy sigh of relief across the country. We have reliable insurance, at least for another year, to help us get on living.

That was definitely good news. I have mentioned it before. I have to get surgery to fix this face. Without insurance, I would have to live a life with rice grain shooting up my nose by accident. 




But then, even with that burden lifted from my chest, I spiraled into a frenzy of anxiety that I could not explain. The stress completely took over me. On Saturday night I couldn't sleep until the witching hour thinking of, "How am I going to pay for things?"

This, of course, affected my work the following day. And no words were added in my daily count for the days that followed either. In fact, I was supposed to write this blog post was yesterday. But I spent two hours looking at a blank page and whining, "I can't write again!"

The anxiety attack was so random and unprovoked. It's been five days, and I still couldn't explain what riled it up.




Sure, I have had random anxiety attacks since I was in elementary school. So much so I would hyperventilate in the middle of class. But, I believe, with the adult stress that one gathers along the way, the anxiety grows. More random and more intruding too. I wonder if my mother's paranoid schizophrenic disorder (though she was never tested) is the result of teeming angst. If it is, then that explains why I've been growing more paranoid every day as well.

I'm not going to let this blog post go on longer. I was going to talk about my achievements this past quarter. Including the plans I have to make my life more productive — as a writer — for the next. Who knows, if I'm not too neurotic tomorrow, maybe I could still blog about it.

For now, I go back to re-plotting this novel I'm trying to write but end up overthinking. 

Ciao ciao. 



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