|Tried outlining this shitty blog. LOL|
For example: yesterday, I was outlining for two hours long.
On Monday, I was able to write 515 words for the Boyd novelette. And when I read it back, I noticed that it created a pattern or a theme I had no intention of doing. Seeing as the theme actually works, I thought that I should employ it in the entirety of the book. But to make it consistent, I had to put it in every chapter. Putting it in every chapter, meant I had to embed it in the outline.
But I don’t really have an outline as much as I only have a sequence treatment for a movie (Boyd is my very first screenplay I’m turning into a light novel). So I pulled out my sequence treatment and made a narrative outline for it, with each sequence turned into a “LESSONS” — the theme that came out from last Monday's writing spree.
I can’t tell you why I’m so against outlining. My mind just doesn’t respond to it like it should. I’ve never found any other writer who said that they have a problem with outlines too. Well, at least, I haven’t found any blog about resistance to outline, but that could just be my google-fu failing me. Or me failing my google-fu.
I’ve tried using the methods my mentors have taught me — 12-steps, Normality-Insighting Event-Eklat-Eklat, Mind Map, Charting, Bullet, etc. None of those STUCK.
Problem lies within me, I believe. As I’ve mentioned before, I can’t seem to make my mind to stick with it. It’s like my rebellious streak manifests itself when I’m trying to be a serious writer. Like my mind is telling me “fuck this, your arrogance has justifications.”
I’m so used to free-form writing and then getting lucky it comes out making sense. Just look at FANATICISM. Seriously, that shit did not have an outline. J/K did not have an outline. Even Tikbalang did not have an outline. I sat. I wrote. I winged it to the end. Probably the reason why my thesis failed into shitty little pieces. [Word for the day — shit]
On the other hand, when I do make an outline, I can’t seem to disobey it. I’ll force myself to follow it to a point I go mental. Then it suffocates me so bad I'd just give up and burn the piece of shit in my backyard. Then I start free form writing again and make no sense at all.
I know that outlining organizes thoughts. In fact, after I spent my allocated two-hour writing yesterday on just outlining Boyd, it gave me clarity. As a whole, I finally found what I wanted to [sort-of] say in this story of Boyd. I found some problems and found some solutions. Granted, I found some new problems, and still have no solution for it. But I really do think I’ll get to fixing it eventually.
Just as long as I use whatever outlining works for me in the moment. I mind mapped the original sequence treatment. And from that mind map, I did a bullet chapter outline. I’m thinking, I can set 12 children in a mind map, then set bullet points under every children. I can outline an outline. Make an outline-ception.
In the end, we all know I’m not going to follow the outline. Like this blog had an outline (see picture), and you’ll notice it kinda-sort-of-parang followed the outline but it really didn’t. What matters is … 610 words in one hour.
It’s fixing me. I’m fixing me. Bit by bit.
Then maybe, I’d be as prolific as the people I admire.
Before the 1-hour time rang.
With time to spare for editing.