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Broke たぶん Happy?

“Whether you sniff it smoke it eat it or shove it up your ass the result is the same: addiction.” William S. Burroughs

According to Wikipedia, ¨Behavioral addiction consists of a compulsion to repeatedly engage in an action until it causes negative consequences to the person's physical, mental, social, and/or financial well-being.¨

[Hmmmm…financial well-being. I wonder what that is.]

If these compulsions causes negative consequences--then, I am truly mad. But what if it causes positive consequences? Okay, half of my friends have the opinion that my path strayed to degeneracy after I started with Arashi. But in my defense, don’t you think I became a bit more fixed and predictable ever since?

If you ask me what I do‒I’d answer: ¨Oh! I fangirl.¨ And damn proud of it, too. If you ask me what’s my profession‒I’d answer, ¨Professional fangirl.¨ Not so much of late, though, because...responsibilities. So, my more realistic answer would be‒¨part time fangirl.¨ But still‒fangirl.

See?! FIXED!

Fixed. Fixated. Same baloney.

This talent to fixate on a subject stemmed from my inability to fix my social awkwardness. Before Arashi, there was Star Trek Voyager; before that, Eraserheads. Before JM, it was BC. Before BC, I was normal. Or as normal as I could get.

With Arashi‒Star Trek‒Eheads, I didn’t need romantic pursuits. I didn’t need to be attached. No need for sexual encounters. No reason to be left out. No reason to be alienated. I did the alienating, and I was happy with it. To be honest, I’m hella happy to alienate myself. Alienation dampens the pain of being alienated. In turn, it alleviates my insecurity. I’d rather be happy alone, than be miserable with people.

I can see all your faces with the uniform ¨huh?¨ expression on it. I’ll join you.


A bit confusing, I know. But that’s what makes me happy. And I truly believe‒that’s what makes me a better person.

Although, this thing that makes me a better person is frustrating me in great detail. See, an idol fangirl is like any other geek subtrope in the known universe. We obsess. We collect. We twist our bones and muscles to get that fuel that burns our passion. We squeeze ourselves dry until our pulps burst and droop helplessly. As if the trip to Hawaii wasn’t enough of a negative consequence, these damn [silly greedy good looking] people had to release pre-orders for their album last night. Under one hour, the pre-orders were sold out. Seriously, Arashi fans, what are you doing on the internet all the time? Go out. Get some fresh air. You’re making me want to retire.

I was supposed to write an entirely different entry today. Eh. Supposedly last night. But nooooooooooo. Arashi had to release an album pre-order; hi-jack my plans of writing peacefully; keep me from keeping with my intended schedule; and making me panic.

True to their name‒people panic when the storm makes its presence felt. I panicked. I got derailed. And it wasn’t until I secured my limited edition album copy pre-order, I was able to write something. And that something was all about them. Yes. 24 hours after the panic buying‒I got my LE Digitalian.

Digitalian‒what does that mean anyways?!

Pfffft. Eff it.

Hi! My name is dekya™ and I’m an Arashi addict. Welcome to Arashi Anonymous‒where no one is recovering, and we’re more than just happy to give our money to five

Seriously, Arashi! You’ve gotta give time for the working class to recover their financials from spending it on you. You’ll run all of us to the ground.

Pffffffttttttttttttttttttttt. There 500+ words.

Story boards so far. 9 Days to go.

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