CONFESSION: I am indifferent to birthdays. Yes, including my own.
I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness--a religious collective who agitate that birthdays should never be celebrated. Lest you’re into beheadings and silver platters (seriously, I’m not kidding). Ergo, I’ve only had two birthdays thrown by my parents: when I was one year old (let’s face it, it’s really more for the parents than it was for me); and when I was five (which was, once again, for the ‘rents).
After that, I’ve stopped caring about my own birthdays. I saw no point celebrating. I was never into beheadings and silver platters anyways. (Whips and ropes are entirely different subject, though.)
I remember wanting to celebrate my 18th birthday at Enchanted Kingdom. To be honest, though, I just wanted a date with my campus crush. He told me to buy a Playstation instead. Spent my 18th birthday money on pizza which I stuffed my face with. I celebrated my 19th birthday for the fact that I’m over 18 and NOT pregnant. That was before I realized one in every family of our clan deviated from the trend of 18 and pregnant. Had I known, I wouldn’t have celebrated either.
I have never celebrated it thereafter. I had never cared when it was coming up or had passed. I had despised being greeted on its day. I have this stone cold bitch face when I get a greeting. Sometimes, I feel sorry for the people who greet me, because they don’t get the reaction they are waiting for. Then I’ll feel bad because I didn’t mean to have a stone cold bitch face as a response to their efforts.
But I’m really happy with those efforts.
Let it be known, I have eternal gratitude to everyone who celebrates/celebrated my birthday for me. It is, pretty much, the only way I feel that my life is being validated. Coz, you know … I’m still not convinced that I should even be here.
Is it so necessary to be validated this one’s existence?
And if I forget someone’s birthday again. Please do forgive me. Let’s just blame this on this one’s sociopathy. But I truly appreciate your existence. I’d give you gift. But I’ll probably send it when it’s not your birthday anymore.
With that, I leave you with this news -- I’M GOING TO HAWAII, BABY!