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It's Not Timing

Timing is everything in love. 

One person told me that I have the worst sense in timing.  It's a phrase that has affected me all these years.  That was because I asked for a reconciliation while he was in the middle of work and work was distressing at that time.  That was what he told a common friend, and I took it as is.

When I read Zettai Kareshi a year ago, and saw this moment in the picture, all I could think of was that moment in time when that person told me "bad timing."  As I was hopelessly in love with him then, I let it affect me.  It echoed in my ears for years.  It robbed me of my confidence.  I'm not sure, but I think it is partly to blame for my resistance to relationships. 

I started this entry thinking that I would write about how one should really have or know the right timing for love.  That "timing is everything in love."  That's why I saved the image in the first place.

However, looking at it now, I ask myself, when is the right timing?  There is no manual or text book, FAQ or walk-through, that can fully explain this "timing" thing.  I ask myself at this moment, is there really a timing?

My most recent ex taught me that there is no real timing when it comes to -- for the lack of better word -- love.  It is only "right here, right now."

Life is a gamble, right?  You don't achieve anything without risking something.  If you missed an opportunity to win, it's because you were too scared to raise the bet against your opponent.  And if you've lost, it's because you bluffed or believed in your cards too much and your opponent called. 

In retrospect, I should have folded that night and saved my losses.  If I did, I could still be friends with him.

With this new trail of thought, a new question comes into mind:  If I was so in love with that person, why did I fold just to be friends with him, and anted when I have little to bet on, and raised when it was obviously a loss?

Riiko is sooooooooo wrong.

Zettai Kareshi is ™ and © 2003-2005 by Yuu Watase. All rights reserved

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